The Exorcism of Little Billy Wagner (cont'd)
The Archbishop celebrated Sunday mass. He had not spoken to the press nor given any statement. He knew that the Cathedral was uncharacteristically full because of the publicity regarding the Billy Wagner possession, which had brought out the local and even national process, and as well the usual influx of Japanese tourists to look at the Cathedral's famed mosaics. That Sunday's mass had the Cathedral's full choir, and he requested all of his favorite numbers, notably Handel's 'Halleluiah Chorus' from 'The Messiah.'
When it came time to give his sermon, the Archbishop took the podium and began his carefully prepared sermon beginning with an explanation of that day's scriptures. He then went into the main point of his sermon:
'The powers of evil are in ascendancy and a perfect storm is forming that's causes are too many to name: materialism, selfishness, the decline of the family, the proliferation of 'rights', excess leisure time, the Internet where all roads lead to porn, lead in the water, romantic attitudes to peace, culinary excess, affordable drugs, cultural neurosis, lead-poisoning, the rise of public baths and strip clubs, atonal music, the decline of classical education and phonetic spelling, the rise of gas prices, and North Korea. This perfect storm has created a cinderblock temple of materialism, populated by the moneychangers. The risen Lord and his gift of love, the solution, to our modern crisis-.'
Monsignor Volmert was sitting in the pews during the Archbishop's homily. The Archbishop had invited him over for Sunday brunch and to talk to the Monsignor about the Billy Wagner matter. The Archbishop watched a press conference where Father Leo had been interviewed, and was concerned that Father Leo appeared indecisive and even soft-spoken this was not the message of resolute, proactive goodness that the Archbishop wanted to portray to the modern world.
Monsignor Volmert gladly accepted the invitation. He was very fond of the archbishops cook, Helga, a woman in her 70s of German descent that knew all the Old World recipes. She had spent her life as the head cook in a Catholic grade school cafeteria in rural Wisconsin - no better training ground for a cook in his humble opinion. He considered Helga one of the last of the greats that had not been tarnished by froufrou or fusion cooking.
Monsignor Volmert never really paid attention to other priest's sermon's because of his poor attention span unless he was looking to lift ideas for one of his own sermons, but every now and then the Archbishop would utter something like 'North Korea' that would cause his attention to perk up.
He then tuned back in the archbishop's sermon, '-in the world we live in today we can't sit back and wait for evil to come knocking on our doors; we have to seek out and vanquish it. We should make no distinction between evil and Satan and those who promote these dark entities. Either you are with us or you are with these dark entities of our rogue culture -'
And Monsignor Volmert's attention wavered as he noticed several Japanese tourists with their digital cameras working their way down part of the church, set off from the main hall, looking at the various mosaics. He muttered to himself, 'Tora, Tora, Tora - God how I love that movie -those sneaky bastards -' He dozed off and began snoring like a large walrus as was his habit between the hours of ten in the morning and five in the evening.
When he finally woke up, he discovered that mass was over; he thought there was no better feeling than falling asleep in mass and waking up just at the end, and he thought this even when he was the person actually saying the mass. He was easy-going that way.
The processional song was one of his favorites: Handel's 'Halleluiah Chorus' from 'The Messiah,' and he with enthusiasm hummed along with it. When the Archbishop came close to his pew, the Archbishop recognized him, and the two elders of the church respectively nodded to each other.
Monsignor Volmert regretted not personally taking over the little Billy Wagner case, especially when the press kept calling the rectory, wanting to interview Father Leo. At brunch this morning, we would give the Archbishop his take on the little Billy Wagner matter.
Father Leo met Veronica at the sidewalk café near the University in a stylish part of town with hip stores, ethnic restaurants, avant-garde bookstores and theaters and dive bars that played music, in other words that part of town that attempted to conceal the fact that the City was located in the Midwest. Veronica had called him earlier on his cell phone and said that she had something very important to tell him. She also said how proud she was of seeing him on the local news and reading about him in the newspaper, where one columnist had dubbed him, 'The devil slaying-priest' with his sidekick, Tae Kwon Joe.
When Fr. Leo approached, Veronica was deep into her book on French symbolist poetry and then paused to take a sip of her black coffee. Her black hair hung long and messy over her face; she wore a buttoned-down white shirt, a dark black skirt that came to her knees, and dark boots that accentuated the shapeliness of her legs. Her bright blue eyes looked up to greet him as she tossed her hair back over her shoulders. She smiled affectionately and stood up and gave him a great big hug.
'I'm so proud of you,' she exclaimed. 'I was telling everyone in school that the devil slaying priest is a good friend of mine.'
They both took a seat around the table.
'It was probably a mistake to let that the news crew be embedded with us during the Rite of Exorcism. Now this thing is all over the news.'
'I loved your interview, you were just so modest and professional. Do you want a coffee?' She said, standing up suddenly. 'I'm going to get another latte.'
'Get me a cup of the hazelnut.'
She returned with their coffees.
Taking a sip, he said, 'It's good, thanks.'
'I knew when I saw your first sermon that you were going places. And what has happened these last few days has only confirmed that. I used to date basketball players, and you know how you know who's the star?' she asked with enthusiasm, taking a drink of her coffee. 'Who gets the ball in the important moment of the game, that's how you know. Your church is relying on you, and what game is bigger than this, good vs. evil?'
'Veronica, it was really no big deal. I had the good sense to perform the rite
Of exorcism while Billy was taking a nap, and when he woke up during the exorcism, I had two seminarians there to hold him down.'
She smiled appreciatively, saying, 'You think of everything.'
'So what's this big news that you have?'
Veronica took two sips of her coffee, averted her eyes, and then returned her gaze to him. Her eyes appeared to Fr. Leo suddenly filled with love, yet with a pleading quality as she asked, 'Do you love me?'
Father Leo was immediately taken aback by her statement as evidenced by the red hue that colored his pale complexion. .
'Veronica, you know I can't get married.'
She smiled a smile that caused him to melt as her hands grasped over his, 'That's so sweet, you'd been thinking about marriage.'
'No seriously, you understand, I can't get married.'
'What's wrong with men today, there always going around saying that.'
'Veronica, you're great, I mean, am I really that much fun? I got the responsibilities of the parish, over 600 families. I'm trying to find time to expel demons. I mean, you're studying at the University, what about this graduate student you're always talking about? I mean, you have to understand that --'
'Oh no, they're just something about a man in uniform,' she said in her flirtatious and singsong tone, twirling the locks of her hair with an extended finger. 'and I understand your priest, and I have no problem with that, in fact I was reading an article that there's a real shortage of priests, so you will always have work. But I tell all my friends that you're going places, you might be a bishop one day, an Archbishop, have you seen the Archbishop's mansion, they featured it in the home and design section of the newspaper.'
'Veronica, please, I mean, it's complicated. I like being a priest. I think I'm pretty good at it. People like that I'm their priest, I think?'
She gestured for him to be quiet with an outstretched hand.
'This is all I need to know. Do you love me?'
'Yes, I do love you.'
'Well, there you go.'
'But there are different forms of love. I mean, I love you in the sense that I care very much for you --'
'I don't need to hear your, there are different forms of love speech. I've heard I love you so many times from so many guys, mostly while they were out of breath, and I like the way you say it the best –' she lowered her voice, so as to imitate him, 'you know, I do love you.' So thoughtful so refined, such the gentleman. Nope, you're pretty much on the hook.'
'Here's my big news. I'm moving to this side of the river.'
'It's for my new apartment, I move in with my furniture in a week, but my lease has started.' She pointed ahead. 'It's the apartment complex two blocks ahead. I had a key made for you.'
She placed a bronze key on the table.
He looked down at the key, anxiously considering the implications of the Pandora's box that the key could open for him.
The next day, outside of St. Anthony's church, Father Leo was surrounded by a handful of journalists
'We intend to complete the rite of exorcism tomorrow, and we have several individuals helping us, and I believe it's going very well,' Fr. Leo said trying to outflank the line of journalists by entering the church through another door. 'I can't talk any longer, I have to do confessions this afternoon.'
Fr. Leo spent the next hour giving the sacrament of reconciliation inside the church. He suspected that at least two individuals who took confession that afternoon were not parishioners, but journalists – one had the habit of saying -- before confessing to a sin, 'Now, I promise this will be off the record.' One of the last individuals to take confession that afternoon came as a total surprise to Father Leo – it was Bill Wagner.
Fr. Leo began the sacrament by making the sign of the cross and speaking the opening words of the sacrament. Bill Wagner began by confessing to such venal sins as arguments with his wife, arguments with siblings, not visiting his father at the St. Jude's nursing home ('assuming that he was still alive,' Bill qualified. Father Leo listened, thinking, in the business of confession that Bill was confessing to what are called pretextual sins or since that you confess to as a way of warm up in preparation for what you really intend to confess. Fr. Leo interrupted, 'I don't think he's at Saint Jude's Nursing Home, LLC anymore, they had to close that down, health and safety violations, I think?'
'Was that the nursing home run by the Christian Brothers?'
'I don't think they were Christian.'
Bill confessed on. Gambling hundreds of dollars on his son's local parish soccer games. Eating lunches left in the refrigerator in the kitchen at work and blaming the theft on the fat girl that works there. 'She says that she's on a diet, but she's eating somewhere. In many ways, fat people are cardiovascular geniuses.' Being hateful towards the elderly. He was in Florida, and he described the highways as old people obstacle courses. 'I mean, we have old people, but nothing like down there,' he then shivered as if experiencing disgust.
Bill then became momentarily quiet and began to talk about something that was deeply troubling him. He told Fr. Leo in rambling spurts about his relationship with Eve, highlighting the particulars of their physical relationship confusing the confessional forum for Penthouse forum, about his financial assistance to Eve - financing her Jeep Cherokee when he promised the very car to his wife, the new implants, the shopping trips, putting money in a mutual fund for her , about learning that she was a Wicca priestess, meeting her coven local No. 5, the crystal power, studying about pyramids at the University, and her drug habit that was spiraling out of control. Then he talked about her two dogs, one a German shepherd and the other a golden retriever, and how they were protective and tried to bite him, whenever he would touch her, and the more he thought about it the dogs were probably also possessed.
Finally he confessed that he believed he was responsible for his son's possession and he told Father Leo about 'the crazy stripper talk' - 'we need a medium for this spirit guy,' the pentagram and finding the pentagram above his son's bed shortly after the possession. After each burst of new information that came out of his mouth, he said reflexively, 'I know, I know, I learned my lesson - strip clubs, bad places.'
After finishing his tale, he said in a tone of utmost gravity, I genuinely believe that I caused all this to happen to my son. He then began to cry, stating repeatedly I think that I'm about to have a nervous breakdown.
Fr. Leo sat there quietly, still processing all of this new information. When Bill's weeping somewhat subsided, he asked aloud, 'I'm sorry, what did you mean, crazy stripper talk?'
Jokezine.com