TomKat gives birth; plans to raise child in Katie Holmes' hometown of Dawson's Creek
LOS ANGELES (Jokezine.com wire) -- Word of the world's most famous silent birth has finally been heard. Tom Cruise (star of 'Cocktail' and 'Losin' it') and Katie Holmes (star of 'First Daughter' and 'Teaching Mrs. Tingle'), dubbed TomKat by the media, and their respective Scientology minders 'joyously welcomed the arrival' of a baby girl Tuesday, said Cruise spokesman Arnold Robinson.
The girl, named Suri, (pictured below) came into the world at 7 pounds, 7 ounces and 117 inches long.
Her name has its origins in Hebrew, meaning 'princess,' or in Persian, meaning 'red rose,' or in Klingon meaning, 'cute parents-ugly baby' or in English meaning, 'a four-wheeled horse-drawn pleasure carriage having two or four seats,' Robinson said in a statement. 'Both mother and Thing are doing well.'
The birth was a silent procedure under the tenants of the Church of Scientology, to which both Cruise and Holmes belong. Scientologists believe words spoken (or screamed?) during times of pain are recorded by the "reactive mind" and can cause potential problems for both mother and thing - perhaps tension and distance in the high school years.
Thing's birth, happened in Los Angeles although the exact location was not disclosed, by Cruise spokesman Arnold Robinson, who spoke outside of St. John's Hospital in Santa Monica, Calif.
The birth also comes on the heels of other good news for Tom Cruise; he has achieved OT III (Operating Thetan level 3) in the Scientology religion. In the materials for OT III (Operating Thetan level 3), L. Ron Hubbard writes that, 75 million years ago, the head of the Galactic Federation, made up of 76 planets, was a being named Xenu. Faced with an overpopulation problem, he brought beings to this planet, blew them up with hydrogen bombs, and packaged them. Their spirits now infest our bodies, and Hubbard claims, "One's body is a mass of individual thetans stuck to oneself or to the body." Scientologists at this level try to rid themselves of these thetans (spirits) by helping each one to remember the painful experiences of being blown up like that.
Whenever you watch a Tom Cruise movie, please feel free to remember the preceding paragraph. Who's he really running from in those Mission Impossible movies, thetans? Consider Cruise in 'Jerry Maguire,' Jerry Maguire: 'Well, don't worry. Don't worry. I'm not gonna to do what you all think I'm gonna to do, which is just FLIP OUT! Who's comin' with me? Who's coming with me? Who's coming with me besides "Flipper," here?' Who did he not want to come with him? Who was he trying to get rid of? The Bob Sugars of this world aka the thetans?
In a strange twist of fate, Suri was born on the same day actress Brooke Shields gave birth to her daughter, Grier Hammond Henchy (pictured below) (her husband is TV writer Chris Henchy - wrote the pilot, 'I'm with Her.') Shields and Cruise had a public spat last year after he criticized the actress for taking antidepressants following the birth of her first child.
Cruise, echoing the position of Scientology, said depression can be treated with exercise (Billy Blanks' Boot Camp or Jazzercise), vitamins (Flinstone chewable), and frequent sauna use, rather than drugs.
The day after the birth of Thing, Cruise made a statement to the press. 'Kate was, and is, an absolute champ,' Cruise said regarding the delivery, and then proceeded to jump on a couch and hoot and holler while pumping his fists. Cruise was accompanied by a dashing, well-dressed, fit man, who appeared to be holding Cruise's hand; however, this fact was difficult to determine as Cruise is 4'2", so it's hard to see what is going on with people like that who are way down there.
TomKat plans to raise Thing in Katie Holmes' hometown of Dawson's Creek. Since Cruise and Holmes are a young couple just starting out, they plan to share a house with Holmes's friend, Dawson Leery, in order to save on expenses.
