Million Dollar Baby: The Big Secret - It's Overrated.

By Casey Flynn

Million Dollar Baby: the big secret - it's overrated. This film confirms one of my theories of life (not my main theory which is everyone is on drugs with the exception of maybe me), but that able-bodied people want, on some subconscious level (the archetypal ice floe), to kill disabled people. I understand that she was bad off in the end, but was it any worse than waitress-ing at a greasy spoon? I understand that she made her wishes very clear, but what about a cooling off period? Any initially severely disabled person is naturally looking out from the perspective of a once able-bodied person and is necessarily in shock - a period of shock that, because of the severity of the accident and situation, would more than linger.

When I got into a fairly bad car accident once, everyone told me that I was in shock so I wasn't allowed to drive a car for a few days and I was told not to make any decisions during this period of shock. 'Yes, he'd like a cheese pizza.' 'Actually, I'd like a pepperoni and sausage pizza.' 'Shhhh, save your energy, you had a big shock today, just rest.'

Of course, the greatest offense of this movie is that it violates the laws of common sense. If in a movie that attempts to achieve verisimilitude, a boxer - after the bell rings - throws a cheap shot, which paralyzes the other boxer, yet is nevertheless deemed the winner, this movie has utterly failed in achieving any modicum of realism. There is 'suspension of disbelief' I understand, but to buy this, you do not just need to suspend disbelief, but you need someone to pass the crack pipe your way. Mike Tyson just took a little bite of the earlobe of Evander Holyfield to maintain the Title of the Most Whacked-out Celebrity and not only was disqualified from that fight but from boxing for an extended period of time. In Million Dollar Baby, the tanned Brigitte Nielsen look a like with that sort of hard-to-place Teresa Heinz foreign accent is not only deemed the winner, but it's a point of regret with the irascible yet lovable Hillary Swank and her family that she did not win the match.

The plot of this movie, makes the screenplay to Rocky IV -- penned by the Bard of the Sweet Science, Sylvester Stallone (GED score - 34), where when Apollo Creed is killed in a match against a powerful Soviet boxer Ivan Drago ('Dolph Lundgren'), Rocky decides to challenge him himself -- seem to be a cogent, deft meditation on boxing and the moral ambiguity of the Cold War world, in comparison to the inanity of Million Dollar Baby.

If they say you want to kill yourself and your healthy, they put you on Zoloft. If they say you want to kill yourself and your severely disabled, they send in Dirty Harry?

I've noticed that Fox News has criticized the portrayal of the trailer park people from Missouri as demeaning, stereotypical, and evidences Hollywood's bias against Middle America. I wholeheartedly agree that it is entirely unfair as I am from Missouri, and I know people who live in trailer parks.

Does Hollywood even understand the type of advanced chemistry knowledge required to convert Sudafed into Crystal meth. without blowing up the entire trailer park? They think they're in such great shape in Hollywood, but does anyone in Hollywood have the cardiac health to consume a case of beer, three joints, crystal meth., a two gallon Mountain Dew, a box of Ding Dongs, two bags of sour cream and cheddar potato chips, and the Hardees' Big Buford sandwich, and then for four-hour stock shelves at an Aldis because you need the money to make your child support payments to stay out of the orange jumpsuit? No stunt doubles in Middle America for that one.

Obviously, everyone should be free to kill themselves if they want? Don't forget that Roland Emmerich (The Day After Tomorrow (2004), The Patriot (2000), Godzilla (1998), Independence Day). And perhaps hypothetically there could be a situation where a world champion female boxer is unexpectedly paralyzed, does not want to go on living, yet is unable to kill herself because of her physical disability, and she happens to know Clint Eastwood, who happens to have laying around the house a syringe that contains the necessary dose of some poison that could fairly painlessly kill her, so the movie is understandably very relatable considering the number of people potentially in this hypothetical situation.

Again, everyone should be free to kill themselves; the gray area of course is getting other people to kill you. Sure, in the movie, you could say, she categorically stated her intentions that were documented in the film. In real life, especially considering the portrayal of Hillary Swank's nuclear family in this particular film, the proof of someone's categorical intent can be a little tricky, and the people closest to the severely disabled have sometimes divided interests. Even physician assisted suicide - formally known as malpractice, is not without its perils.