Soaring gas prices cause panic in Middle America

By Casey and Deras Flynn

Gasoline prices are nearing record highs in the United States. The price surge on Thursday reflects heavy demand from consumers such as China and the Gore family (three SUVs).

According to oil analysts, there is presently not a lot of surplus capacity available within OPEC of the quality that the market demanded. Already analysts are expecting that oil prices of $100 a barrel could happen. One analyst reported that gas has gotten so expensive in America that not even get-away vehicles during holdups are leaving their engines on.

In a news conference Wednesday, U.S. President George W. Bush said he was "concerned about the price of energy" and its dampening effect on the economy. When asked of what his administration was going to do to handle the problem, he quickly replied, 'There's an old saying, fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again."

In addition to these assurances, Bush has put his brother Jeb in charge of a group that intends to explore in America for potential oilfields for drilling in order to cut down our dependence on foreign oil. An internal White House memo has described the work that Jeb will be doing:

Come and listen to a story about a man named Jeb
A Bush mountaineer, trying to keep his family fed,
Then one day he was shootin at some food,
And up through the ground came a bubblin' crude.
Oil that is, black gold, Texas tea.
Well the first thing you know ol' Jeb's a millionaire …

The effects of the oil crisis are already being seen in Middle America. Roving gangs of thugs and Green Party Supporters are rounding up people who drive gas-guzzling SUVs and are tying them to the front of their vehicles. See picture below.

This is a picture or Ronald Davis, an unassuming accountant, who coaches his daughters fourth-grade basketball team when gas prices were relatively cheap. See picture below.

Ronald has denied that he has changed, but others have said that the strains of the high gas prices on his families' limited budget are starting to show on him. He says that all he is only doing what is necessary to get the petrol for his family car, so that his three kids can get to their extracurricular activities after school. See picture of him now below:

Below is a before and after shot of a suburban Shell station that was overrun by competing gangs of so-called soccer moms.

Before and after shot of how this oil crisis has transformed one soccer mom into a community leader:

This final picture is not here to illustrate some finer point about the present oil crisis, but rather to ask the more rhetorical question of, what the hell was really going on in those Mad Max movies!?!?