Al Gore: What's in a name?
by Casey Flynn

The Al Gore comedy album:

The reviews are universal in their acclaim for Al Gore's new comedy album. 'As hysterical as Al Gore!' - Paul Wunder WACT. 'I found the entire album to be side-splittingly Al Goreian' - Jeff Craig, Radio Review - the Boca Vista Breeze. 'He's Lenny Bruce for the WASPs.' - Roger Ebert. Here's a sampling of some of the highlights:

1. Why did Al Gore cross the road?
- To get to the other side.

2. What's Al Gore's Secret Service name?
- Warren Christopher.

3. Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
- Al Gore.
- Al Gore who?
- Al Gore who, you know me, Al Gore.

4. How many Al Gores does it take to change a light bulb?

- Solar power - as a clean renewable energy source - can provide for a home up to 80,000 watts of energy, without the pollution of a coal-burning electrical plant, and if solar energy acquired the economies of scale . . .

The Rick Rockwell kiss: In an emergency session of the Supreme Court, eight justices, in a nearly unanimous opinion, written by Sandra Day O'Connor, so held about the below picture: "We don't know how to spell obscenity, but we know it when we see it, and that's just plain not right." Justice Thomas recused himself.

Al Gore at the Apollo

Al Gore is trying to prove his critics wrong by releasing this new comedy. He plans to meet with Al Sharpton at the Apollo theater to try out his new material. Here's a sneak preview (said in a monotone voice): "You know that Hillary Clinton she got a big butt, her ass is so big if Ken Starr had any sense that's where he'd look for the Whitewater documents." "Bill Clinton - what the fuck was that impeachment all about, they're bringing the man down cuz he wants a little booty - now Monica Lewinsky that bitch got a big Momma's ass, that's kosher by me, you know dem Jews in Israel don't know where to go cuz there's not enough land, they should send Monica over to Israel and park one of their settlements on her big white ass . . ."

What would Buddha say about all this?

Sources within the Justice Department leaked a report that Al Gore and the DNC - at the Buddhist temple fundraiser - received $78,000 in illegal, unregulated soft karma. Nuns at the Buddhist temple took the $78,000-dollars-worth of fungible karma, in their past life, from the good deeds of 19th-century Chinese warlords. They then laundered this asset through a bank in Hong Kong, which a man by the name of Johnny Chan, is the controlling shareholder. Of course Johnny Chan's sister in-law's niece is married to the man who - on his twice removed Uncle's matrilineal line - has a daughter, who had Siamese twins, and Lilly, the one who survived the surgery, married the scion of the Dr. No family (James Bond fame), who of course tried to blow up the world, and has close ties with the Chinese Communist party, and more disturbingly, Christmas carols every year with Michael Eisner of Disney. 'Clearly,' as one republican on the Hill remarked about this situation, 'we need to appoint an independent counsel to look into some of these disturbing connections.'

Al Gore Presidency Could Hurt Booming Economy

The prospect of an Al Gore presidency has sent stocks plummeting in companies that are heavily invested in the comedy industry. As early as this summer, consumers of comedy clubs might have to pay up to a four-drink minimum to see the likes of such popular stars as Carrot Top and Margaret Cho. Comedic academics and theorists alike from the nation's best community colleges and adult literacy university extension programs met over the weekend in the Catskills at an emergency symposium on the state of comedy, and discussed this question: 'How much mileage can we get from this premise: Al Gore is boring.' During the colloquy, everyone got drunk, accused the others of plagiarism (stealing jokes), and insulted their colleagues for their questionable research skills, in-bred parents, lack of manhood, followed by a litany of ethnic and religious slurs as well as outbursts of profanity, ending with: 'I'll be playing the Lavender Room through the end of this month . . .' At the end of this weekend, a spokesman for the group - Don Rickles gave this assessment of the state of comedy: "Already, there's a hiring freeze at the late-night comedy shows, and the Bazooka Bubble Gum Inc. is planning to shutdown their Honduras factory . . ." He then proceeded to badger a black journalist from the AP with the phrase: "I didn't realize they let your kind in here," and then said he was just joking before turning his aim on some of the female reporters.