Al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigades, L.L.C. to take over contract security at 6 American airports:

by Casey Flynn

Al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigades, L.L.C. to take over contract security at 6 American airports:

The administration has faced criticism this week over its decision to let Al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigades, L.L.C. to run airport security in New York, New Jersey; Philadelphia, Pennsylvania; Baltimore, Maryland; Miami, Florida; and New Orleans, Louisiana.

Al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigades, L.L.C. was the low bidder in winning the government contracts to provide security at American airports. Halliburton overbid by asking '11 billion more from the federal government than what Al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigades, L.L.C. required to provide the same service.

Abdel Rahman, a blind cleric and spokesman for Al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigades, L.L.C. (shown below) stated that his company was looking forward to provide security services at American airports and advised the public that it would lessen the time that air passengers spent in security lines if your women are veiled.

Critics say the takeover raises security concerns, noting that the Al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigades, L.L.C. has links to Al Qaeda; notably many high-ranking members of Al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigades have as Friends on their myspace.com account members of Al Qaeda. Critics are also concerned that the organizations stated purpose is the destruction of Israel and to prevent mountain bike thefts in the occupied territories.

But an airport security expert said security fears regarding the takeover of security by Al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigades, L.L.C. at American airports is based on 'bigotry' against Arab(terrorist)s (the 3rd-5th syllables are silent and not pronounced), and that this takeover poses no security threat because Al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigades, L.L.C. will be under the supervision of Homeland Security (the same Homeland Security that oversaw Katrina and that is still trying to figure out when it learned when the levees were breached).

The deal was approved by the federal Committee on Foreign Investments in the United States, which includes representatives of the FBI, Pentagon and Treasury, Commerce and Homeland Security departments, as well as two corporate directors from Al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigades, L.L.C., the Gettys, the Rothchilds, and Colonel Sanders. (The minutes for the meeting that actually approve the deal showed of the 37 members of the federal Committee on Foreign Investments, only six were present for the meeting, and the vote was 4 to 2 to approve, and one of the voters that voted to approve was named, 'A. V. Guy.')

Bush told reporters aboard Air Force One, 'I don't understand why it's OK for a British company to provide security for our airports, but not a company from the Middle East like Al-Askadasca Martyrs Brigades, uhm.' He then laughed, adding, 'Boy that is a hard name to pronounce.' He then checked his pulse and said that it was time for him to cross train.

Hillary Clinton expressed concern that this deal raised security threats notably that employees for Al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigades, L.L.C. could be put on visa lists, and then later because of their jobs within our airports, be well positioned to perpetrate terrorist attacks.

The Republicans chastised Hillary Clinton for making a political issue out of the fact that the Al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigades, L.L.C. was taking over security at American airports. They pointed out that Al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigades, L.L.C. was just awarded the government contract, and as is the practice with government contracts, Al-Aqsa Martyrs will go out and subcontract with another company, which will then subcontract with an independent contractor, which will in turn hire creatively documented Mexicans at some reduced rate, and these Mexicans will do the work. Or more likely, Al-Aqsa Martyrs will just receive the monies for the government contract and prepare to implement the contract some day in the future, while skiing in Switzerland.

Finally, to put this whole matter into perspective, one defender of the deal has pointed out that the present company that provides security at most American airports is owned by the Chinese government.