IRAQ JOKES

by Casey Flynn

1. A lot of people think that George W. decided to go to war in Iraq because Saddam Hussein had tried to kill his father. This is totally unfair; of course it is true that after we captured Saddam Hussein, George Senior raised George W.'s allowance.

2. Did you hear what the army found on Saddam Hussein after they captured him in the spider hole: $750,000 in cash; an AK-47; the Paris Hilton sex video . . . because everyone has it.

3. Did you hear what Saddam Hussein said when he was captured in the spider hole by the army: ‘Who won - Rubin or Clay?’ or, claims other sources, ‘I have a whole new respect for Ted Kaczynski.’

4. According to the CIA, Saddam Hussein was hiding out in that part of Iraq where it would be less likely for him to be recognized: gay biker bars around the Baghdad area.

5. It looks like they finally found Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq; they found a vile of a toxic blistering agent that had been weaponized with a spray. In other news, a CNN reporter lost her mace.

6. The French, German, and Russians were up in arms that they could not bid on contracts to rebuild the oil infrastructure in Iraq. These governments made major concessions, forgave foreign debt to Iraq and thankfully the Bush administration changed their policy and allowed them to bid on these three big contracts to rebuild the oil infrastructure in Iraq. And as result, these three big contracts were awarded to Halliburton.

7. The situation over there is really getting out of hand. I was watching television, and the political commentators were wondering aloud how to get the situation under control with the various warring factions of Sunni and Shi'ites, and I blurted out, ‘I know what they need over there: a strong armed and ruthless dictator to keep those crazy people under control, … oh wait.’ (deras)

8. Do you know what George W.’s secret service name is: Gary Busey.

9. The person who turned in Saddam Hussein received an award of $25 million: Do you know what he said when he opened the check from the United States government: Wait just one second, this doesn't look right, $16.7 million, what is this FICA?

10. Apparently Saddam Hussein had an e-mail address, and the CIA was trying to figure it out, but they had a very hard time because Saddam Hussein almost never gave it out because he did want to end up on any Spam mail list.

11. A lot of people were surprised that George Bush did not fire George Tenet after he gave incorrect intelligence which led to the invasion of a foreign country. What people fail to realize is that George Tenet is a government worker, kinda hard to lose one of those jobs. Got to do a little bit more than give incorrect information that leads to the invasion of a foreign country.

12. At Yale, George Bush wrote his senior thesis on the Spanish American war, which was triggered by the sinking of the battleship Maine. Some historians claimed that the Spanish warships caused the explosion, which sunk the battleship Maine, others believed that the explosion occurred because of some problem with the boiler; George W. favored the latter theory and thought the explosion was not caused by the Spanish, but rather Weapons of Mass Destruction.

13. The French have finally joined the fight. They've offered three brigades of French legionnaires, and they will arrive in Iraq just as soon as they finish their training assignment which is taking place during the filming of ‘The Mummy 3’.

14. A friend of mine was rather anti-war, and he worked in the health care field for a company called: ‘Freedom Medical Supplies’. He suggested that they should change their name to: ‘French Medical Supplies.’ (Rob Cook).

15. The Bush administration is trying to change the perception that it is anti-French and says that the French are great allies of America. Nevertheless, they did leak a document which claims that the Statute of Liberty was actually built with child labor.

16. Many commentators are wondering where we should go next regarding our war on terror. Can we all agree that our troops need a break, so I say: Doesn't Ibizi have WMD?