Short W. Bus Administration

By Casey Flynn

The Short W. Bus administration: George Bush's new Secret Service name: the Special-Needs president.

A picture of the Presidential: Short Bus One

Porter Goss - the head of the Central Intelligence Agency - complained that he is overworked because he has to spend five or six hours preparing for George Bush's intelligence briefings. He further explained that the reason he has to spend so much time preparing for these intelligence briefings is that George Bush only has a vocabulary of 4000 words, 800 of which are entirely his own created words (e.g. misunderestimated)

and he must translate the intelligence memos into Bush's vocabulary or Bushisms. The CIA also is not able to use word processors or cursive in composing these memos, but must use fat crayolas or etch-and-sketch.

Porter Goss stated that the usual briefing session with the president takes a half-an-hour, but since President Bush has a learning disability, he gets twice the amount of time of other presidents for his intelligence briefings. The intelligence briefings are also not held in the Oval Office, but instead President Bush and the other members of his inner circle are picked up by Short Bus One and taken to special offices, different from where the other presidents normally hold their intelligence briefings, and specifically designed for the special needs of President Bush and his cabinet.

George W. Bush (dyslexia, attention deficit disorder, West Texas mild mental subnormality)
Dick Cheney (low functioning evil genius)
Dom Rumsfeld (autistic)
Condoleezza Rice (nice legs)

Short Bus One picks up the various individuals who are to attend the intelligence briefing and shuttles them to their special meeting place.
At the designated place, President Bush takes his seat at the head of the circle, and he is given his President's Etch and Sketch and puts on his favorite football helmet. When the intelligence briefing begins, everyone in the room introduces themselves using the teaching technique referred to as: 'The Name Game.' The teacher also adds, 'Tell us something interesting about yourself to help us remember your name.'

'Hi, I'm John Negroponte, new nominee to be the first U.S. Director of National Intelligence. Former U.S. ambassador to Honduras under Ronald Reagan, collaborated with top-secret Army death squads, setting up the Contras in Nicaragua, that was me, Iran-Contra also me, Skull & Bones, 1960.'

'That's John Negroponte , I'm Karl Rove. Uhm, I dropped out of the University of Utah.'

'Me Ruport de Sleep, cookie milk, cookie milk,' says a fellow student who had been picked up by Short Bus One.

'He's John Negroponte, Karl Rove, I'm sorry, did I hear that correctly, Ruport de Sleep, cookie?'

'Cookie milk, cookie milk, cookie milk,' he replies, clapping wildly.

'Okay, Rupert de sleep, Cookie Milk, and I'm - Andy Card.'

'John Negroponte, Karl Rove, Me Ruport de Sleep, cookie milk, cookie milk, Andy Card,' Dick Cheney said, ticking off the names from the side of his mouth, 'and I'm Dick Cheney.'

'John Negroponte, Karl Rove, Me Ruport de Sleep, Andy Card,' the man hesitates for a moment, 'I'm sorry I don't know who you are, and I'm David Lesar, President and CEO of Halliburton.'

'John Negroponte, Karl Rove, Me Ruport de Sleep, Andy Card, Dick Cheney, David Lesar, and I'm Saudi Ambassador Prince Bandar.'

'This is a stupid game, was it not Shakespeare, or someone like him, who said, what's in a name, and you over there, is your name even known, well there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know, and I'm Dom Rumsfeld, I get all my news from Paul Harvey on the wireless.'

'John Negroponte, Karl Rove, Me Ruport de Sleep, Andy Card, Dick Cheney, David Lesar, Prince Bandar, Dom Rumsfeld …