Iraq al Qaeda names Zarqawi successor: Sheikh Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi, Jr.
by Casey Flynn

DUBAI (Jokezine.com) - Al Qaeda in Iraq named a successor following the killing of the group's leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, according to an Internet statement on Monday, posted at the website: El Dudgezeeri Report. See picture below of Al-Zarqawi, Jr.

'The shura council of al Qaeda in Iraq unanimously agreed on Sheikh Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi, Jr., to be a successor to Sheikh Abu Musab al-Zarqawi,' said a statement signed by al Qaeda and posted on a Web site frequently used by Islamist militants, myspace.com.

Sheikh Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi, Jr.is of course the son of Sheikh Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. He has an M.B.A. from Harvard, where he learned both leadership training and organizational skills, was a Jesuit volunteer in Belize, has four veiled trophy wives, and a history in jihad, though mostly as an unpaid intern.

On Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi, Jr. first day of on the job, he offered a statement to the radical Islamic press in front of a nondescript backdrop.

'I realize that I am very big shoes to fill. First, I'd like to thank both family and friends who've wished me well on my new position, the head of Al Qaeda operations in Iraq. A lot of people don't think that I'm ready for this job and that I got it because of who my father was. I would recommend the book, In Praise of Nepotism' by Adam Bellow, it's a little long, but I think it lays out a rather thorough defense of nepotism.

'We've got a lot of great festivities planned for this summer. Every Wednesday night in the Sunni Triangle of Death, city center - Fallujah, in an amphitheater created by an American bunker-buster bomb, we will have free evening outdoor jazz concert, bring your lawn chairs and brie and groove to the smooth jazz stylings of our summer concert series, sponsored by Al Qaeda, Iraqi branch. Then of course there's the ballet. Al Qaeda's association with the ballet goes way back; members in our organization have a lot in common with people who love ballet.

'Then there's our book club. Like everyone else we will be reading, the Da Vinci Code this summer. Al Qaeda members are really drawn and have a lot of affinity for the strong logical argument and believable story contained in the Da Vinci Code. If the Da Vinci Code is one of your favorite books, well you have a lot in common with Al Qaeda in Iraq.

'Then of course there's NASCAR. When we got our satellite dish and HDTV and watched NASCAR, whoa, it's like you're there. We're now just like its hugest fans. If you like NASCAR, remember you got a friend in Al Qaeda in Iraq.

'You know a movie, we just got off the satellite, we don't pay for it, it's an illegal box, and DirecTV if you got a problem with that, bring it on, the movie that we saw was a little movie called, 'Good Will Hunting.' Wildly charismatic. Impossibly brilliant. Totally rebellious. Two words: Will Hunting. Is a janitor or is he a genius? I guess myself and my larger Al Qaeda cell really took the movie to heart because it was about mathematics and the Arabs invented mathematics, arithmetic, algebra, geometry, so if you love the movie, 'Good Will Hunting' as much as we do, come aboard friend to Al Qaeda in Iraq, we've been expecting you.

Also I realize that Al Qaeda in Iraq is going through some hard times; we're having an identity crisis - do we want to focus on killing Western journalists or do we want to foment sectarian violence. I'd like to turn everyone on to a book that I was taught at B school at Harvard. The book is called, 'Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap... and Others Don't.' I had the pleasure of taking the course with its author Jim Collins, and in many ways my mentor to this day. He couldn't be here today because if he was I would probably have to kill him. When he stood up in that class

and said those words, 'Good is the enemy of great..' my life took on a whole new direction.

If you like this or other self-help books, a shout out for the Koran, you've got a friend in Al Qaeda.